The Chub Rub

I went for a run with a friend the other day and she informed me a few days later that she had acquired "The Chub Rub". I, of course, had no idea what she was talking about and immediately burst into laughter. Obviously, I had to ask what it was and apparently it is any part of your body or clothing that rubs against your skin causing friction, irritation, skin loss, and even pain. Basically, when fat bottom girls run, their whole body rubs against itself and this "Chub Rub" can occur. For women, it can occur on the thighs (usually), in the crotch area, and under the breasts, although it can occur other places as well. For men? Well, let's just say it is as unpleasant for them as it is for us. It's like a diaper rash for adults.

I had not personally experienced this hell yet because I normally wear men's biker shorts and a really tight sports bra when I run, preventing the friction. However, when my first pair of biker shorts fell apart at the seams I resorted to using a regular pair of shorts. I then knew what holy hellfire awaited me exactly one day later when I attempted to go for a run again.

The pain was indescribable. It's as if you have torn away layer upon layer of your precious skin and the nerve endings have nothing better to do but shoot pain signals to your brain. Even the slightest touch of clothing on the area is excrutiating. Immediately after my run I went to the store and bought a new pair of biker shorts, powder, bandages, A&D ointment, Vaseline, and deodorant. All the items that were recommended to me as I limped around the track. I was going to try everything to heal this Grand Canyon sized open wound. (Actually, it was more like the size of a nail head but you would've thought I'd lost a limb from the way I was bitching about it.)


They all worked of course, A&D to heal the skin and prevented the friction, Vaseline too. The powder and deodorant absorbed the sweat, the bandages kept my clothing from rubbing against the sore, and of course my trusty new biker shorts were and still are a life saver.

I will never again run without my biker shorts. I recommend them to any fat bottom girl (or boy) who has decided to start running. Even The Punisher has started wearing them and he can't thank me enough. Get the ones that are made to absorb the sweat away from your skin and you'll never again get the dreaded Chub Rub. Or you can follow the advice of a duck, who doesn't run.