Countdown to the Half Days 2 - 6

Day Two: Today I was supposed to do "Stretch and Strengthen" which to me meant I got to try out what others had told me was the most amazing workout I would just love.

Yoga.

Let me just tell you. I do not love Yoga. I do not think I could ever even learn to love Yoga. Yoga and I have tried to be friends and frankly, Yoga's a bitch. FBGs are not meant, in any capacity, to attempt a yoga position.

It started off well, sitting on the floor (my favorite place) and it involved a closing of the eyes to concentrating on your breathing. Easy enough, right? WRONG. First, I can't close my eyes! I had to watch the fucking video on YouTube because I had never done Yoga before. Second, I apparently forgot HOW to breathe in and out in a consistent manner. I held my breath nearly every pose and when I felt like I was going to pass out, I would let out this huge huff of air and suck it back in to hold again for another pose. By the end of the twenty-three minutes of the most annoying bitch voice ever a soothing voice, I was out of breath and still hadn't stretched a single muscle. I realize I was doing it all wrong and probably should've went to a beginners class, but once I was face down on my hands and knees and the German Shepard decided that would be a good time to mount me...I gave up. I lifted weights for the next thirty-five minutes and did my own stretching and felt great.

Day Three: 3 mile run. S-U-C-K-E-D A-S-S. It was the first run I had to do and it had snowed the night before about a foot deep. This meant that I was running on the devil incarnate instead of nice forgiving asphault. I did it and only bitched about it for an hour. Pretty good.

Day Four: I was looking forward to today! Only two miles and I got to run OUTSIDE for the first time. It was sub-freezing weather but I really did not care. I put on my brand spanking new cold weather running pants which sucked in all the fat and kept my legs from jiggling too much. They are awesome! I ran the two miles the fastest I have ever run two miles and it felt great. I used a pacer app that I had set for an ambitious 14 minute mile (I have never ran a 14 minute mile since leaving the Navy) and I did it! I even impressed myself. I wanted to go further but I promised myself to stick to the plan for two reasons: 1) I had someone else to blame if I failed and 2) I did not want to injure myself again and have to pull out of the half.


Day Five: I was not looking forward to today. It was another 3 miles on the devil incarnate and of course...it had snowed another 2345345 feet or so, give or take a few inches. I grabbed my iPad and turned on Netflix to The Fluffy Movie and watched it. I was laughing the entire time and completely forgot that I was running. I ended up doing more than I had planned because I was so enthralled with Fluffy losing over 100 lbs and telling his super awesome story. And!!! I will have you know I didn't bitch about the run at all!

Day Six: And on the sixth day the FBG rested. May the training God's rejoice for this day I give thanks!

No One "Enjoys" Running

Literally, no one.

Oh, now, don't get your panties all in a rumple, hear me out.

Ask yourself if you really enjoy the act of running. The legs burning, lungs screaming, heart pounding, act of running. Or is it the after effects of the run that make you love it? The other day I took a short run on the treadmill (aka the hatemill) and found that I really, really, really, love hate running. I mean, I REALLY hate running. I love the "idea" of running and all the good things that happen after running such as weight loss, muscle building, and depression fighting. But I truly despise the act of running.

It hurts, it makes me want to vomit, I'm sore for what seems like an eternity, I hate it. Somehow, I still turn around twenty minutes later and excitedly tell my FBG fan club that I love running.

The people that perhaps do enjoy the act of running must have some sort of chemical imbalance. It's sick really. Let me list all of the things that I have found make me hate the act of running (as described by a member of the FBG fan club):


1. Chaffed nipples
2. Black toenails
3. Falling off of said toenails
4. Bounciness of fat

Please, feel free to comment below the reasons you hate running or try to convince me that you actually love running. I'd love to hear them.



Countdown to the Half Update:
I downloaded the 12 week half marathon training plan written by Hal Higdon and tweaked it to fit my needs and in ten weeks (ambitious? Possibly). You can find it here if you want to start training for your own half because I am so damned inspiring!


Day One: Today I just had to do 30 minutes of cross training. I took this to mean I could do the elliptical (aka devil incarnate) for 30 minutes. Which I did. But of course I couldn't just do that and feel any sort of accomplishment. So fan girl (mentioned earlier) and I did some light weight lifting. (And by "light weight lifting" I mean completely destroyed our arms and abs with only a little bit of work.)

Half Marathon

Shit. I've gone and done it now. I have somehow conned talked myself into running a half marathon. I'm not exactly sure what has possessed me to sign up for said half marathon. Apparently, I have lost my last ounce of sanity in nursing school and I believe I can do anything!

This is probably how the conversation with myself went:

"Hey FBG, you've been running for a couple weeks each month for the better part of a year. Maybe you can run a half?"

"Are you nuts? You know that's like 13.1 miles, probably up hill the whole time. Of course I can't run a half."

"Okay. Lets sign up for one."

"Sounds awesome. Lets do it."

And so I did. Bought and paid for. I was even so excited that they had a "finisher" medal that I wrote a training plan and it starts tomorrow. Just so you know, everything I ever "start" starts tomorrow.



I asked my friends if they wanted to join me. All 200+ of them on my friends list on Facebook were so excited that they didn't even say they would. I assume they went right out and signed up without telling me and I will see them there on the starting line. Although, I did manage to beg and plead ask one nice FBG bestie club member to sign up with me. On a serious note; she has been my rock through this whole thing. Even though we don't get to see each other much, she was always willing to take a run with me and she always stuck by my side (even though I know she can run much faster than me and she has proven it.) She may think I am insane but she will be right there with me and we both will get our clean white self-huggers at the same time!


The website says that the cut off time is 3.5 hours to run the race. "Plenty" of time for "walkers" they said. I figure it takes me an unholy hellish amount of time a little under two hours to run 7 miles. I think I will eat up every second of the 3.5 hours but I might just make it. I just might get that medal.

P.S. My new hero is T-rex runner. Click the name to read about her. Her blog is not only funny but she is basically a smaller version of me. She doesn't know it yet but we are destined to be best friends common acquaintances.