These Boots Are Made For Walking...

But my legs were made for running.

Unfortunately my knees totally disagree. As you may have noticed, I have been complaining for the last couple weeks about how painful it is to run on my knees. I went and played tennis the other night and woke up the next morning in such pain that I couldn't walk. I finally broke down and made an appointment with my doc.

This morning was my visit and I found out that while I will live, I will also be in excruciating pain for the next couple weeks. I have damaged (not torn) both of my MCLs (Medial Collateral Ligament.)

It is the ligament that runs from the Femor to the Tibia on the medial (inside) of your knees. It is used to resist forces that would push the knees inward. It can be easily damaged by high impact, bending, or landing on a slightly bent knee.




Treatment includes pain meds, ice, complete and total rest, new shoes (hooray!) that can sustain the pressure points, and more pain meds. Eventually they will heal and I can get back to work. Until then, I will need to watch my diet and continue to do strength training for back, abs, and arms. So that I do not gain any of the weight back that I have already lost.

The moral of this story is...Do not run on an injury no matter how trivial you may think it is. I pushed through the pain because I figured I was just fat and lazy so my joints needed to catch up with my will power. But pain really is the only way your body has to tell you that something is wrong. And something was definitely wrong.

I implore you to go see your doc immediately if pain persists more than a day or two after giving it time to rest. He or she will be able to tell you why you have pain and whether you can continue to move on it or not. My doc informed today me that running on my injury has actually made it worse for me and a longer recovery time.

"What can I do about the pain then doc?" I asked him.

"Don't run away, I'll give you some samples..." he left the room and I almost laughed in his face. I wasn't about to RUN anywhere, let alone away.

I am frustrated. I am angry. I want to run. I want to be pain free. I want to be able to do the things I was doing before but I know that I just can't. If I do, I will cause more harm than good and it is possible that I will ruin it completely and I will never reach my goals.

So, I tell myself that this is merely a set back on my journey as I am sure we have all had or are right now in the middle of. I will recover and I will make it through this. I have learned from my mistake and it's time for me to just relax, take it easy, and eat my bitch mints like candy!

Joggin' for Frogmen 5K

My Bib for the Virtual 5K

Sunday was the Joggin' for Frogmen 5K race. I was representing the great state of North Carolina and Crushin' it for JT.

As a virtual racer the point was to get out and run the 5K whenever you could on that day. Unfortunately, I have injured my knee so I was unable to do the actual running part. (Not that I was looking forward to running a 5K so soon after getting off my ass starting to run).

Due to my injury (too much, too soon) I have to do low impact walking or some other type of easy cardio to keep the pressure off my knee. (We will talk about knees and how to take care of them in another post.)

FBG and The Punisher

I did however, get up early and go workout with my Punisher and used the Elliptical for 30 minutes. Using the Elliptical tends to make me sweat more than if I were to actually run which sometimes makes me feel like I am doing more work but I found that I burn just about the same amount of calories using the machine as I would running.

Thank you to everyone who donated to the cause. Your support will help families of the fallen US Navy SEALs and other Veterans nationwide.

The Punisher and His Punishment

The Punisher did it! He broke down and made the unexpected leap into My Hero-ville. Here is what he had to say about his journey. (Posted with permission.)

"I’ve been dreading it for weeks, but last night I decided to put myself through the 5k test and see how I’d do.  I’ve never ran three consecutive miles without stopping or walking in my life.

The dreadmill was set for no time limit, 4.5 speed, 2% grade, 3.1 mile length.

I was able to do it in 39:03, and then did a 2 minute cooldown at 2.5mph. 

Here’s what to take from this.

·         I was 275lbs not very long ago, and have never been a “runner” in my life.

·         I am living, literally, the couch-to-5k life right now.  Compounded by sitting on my rump in an office all day.  WE ALL ARE living this right now.

Photo Courtesy of The Punisher

·         If I can do this, YOU can do this.  You literally just have to make yourself get out there and do it.

·         Envision what you want, and make it happen.  Just…. do it.

My goal is 175lbs and a six-pack tummy by next Summer. 

My goal is going swimming next Summer at the pool and not being embarrassed to take my shirt off.

My goal is living a very, very long time.  Watching my son and little girls graduate.  Walking my daughters down the aisle at their weddings.  Seeing them have children of their own.  Being as healthy as I can be, for as long as I can be."

So yup, he's totally my hero. Without his motivation and inspiration I know I wouldn't be where I am. I couldn't be more proud (and envious) of him than I am right now. He did a great thing and he should be proud that he accomplished so much in just a few months. Now, I guess it's my turn.

Hills...Nature's Way of Saying, "Because, Fuck You."

I hate hills.

I don't care if they are small, long, steep, or gentle slopes that meander. I hate them. When I am running I dread coming up to the bottom of the hill. As I gasp for breath I look up and see that the top just keeps stretching farther and farther from my view and it goes on and on. Like the hallway scene in that movie "The Shinning."

It's terrible! Horrible! Because they hate me! Stupid hills.

This is the last hill before I get back to my house. This is the hardest hill I have on my run. There are around 7 hills in total out and back. But this one kicks my butt every time. It doesn't look bad right? So innocent and unassuming. That is until you get up to it and start your jog up it. Then it turns into some seventh level of hell with no end in sight!

And I met a new friend. This is her. She is always there to greet me when I get to my turn around point and I catch my breath but this was the first time she let me pet her. Tomorrow I shall bring her a carrot!

Where to Start?

So, you've decided to start running. Congratulations! That's excellent news.

Where do you start? From the beginning of course. Where else would you start?

Me? Oh I started from the VERY beginning. I didn't just throw on a pair of old shoes and sweats and hustle out the door. Oh no. I started much slower than that! It's the little changes in your daily life that make the grade. Not sudden and intense intervals. Those eventually lead to failure!

First. I got out of bed. Yup. That's exactly right and the first step! I couldn't possibly run while in the fetal position now could I? (Although, that would be amazing if we could right?) Then, and this is very important, I tripped over the damn dogs and stepped on every mother F^$&ing damn lego in the house sauntered my way into the bathroom. Sauntering is indeed very important. I made sure to rub the sleep from my eyes and complete the three S's (shit, shower, shave, not necessarily in that order, although it is preferable.)

Once I completed those tasks for about a week I picked up another daily habit. I started flossing. Every. Single. Day. This added about five minutes to my morning routine but it felt good to actually complete something my dentist told me I should be doing all my life. (Again, with the "rest of your life" thing. I think these doctors are trying to kill us!)

After the flossing addition I started using mouthwash. Every. Single. Day.

You see. It's the baby steps that get me going and keep me running.

If you ever get stuck and just want to stop all this flossing and mouth washing, just give it all up because it's too hard. Just think of this picture below and you'll do fine. (Sorry my non-gay male readers! I don't have one for you yet!)

The Before...

You know those before and after pictures you see every where for every thing from weight loss to acne medication? I have come to despise them. It depicts people in the worst times of their lives and, as someone who was picked on all throughout her school age years, I can only imagine the names these poor people were called. They hate themselves and what they look like because someone shitty CEO of some shitty company told them that they aren't pretty enough or skinny enough. And WE believe them.

Of course we do! We want to believe them, we want to be someone totally different from who we are! They promised that if we use their products (not approved by the FDA) we will magically lose weight overnight and finally be skinny enough (results not typical)! Who wouldn't want that?

Well, I've tried nearly everything out there and nothing, literally not a single one of them, has worked. I followed all of the directions to a Tee and would maybe lose a couple pounds here and there. Alas, nothing made me lose weight overnight and I sure as hell didn't make me any prettier.

Don't get me wrong. I am totally comfortable with the person that I am. I am smart, I love animals and my friends and family, I love to tease people and be teased in return, I have a smart mouth that goes along with my quick sense of humor. I have a belief system that has nothing to do with a god and I trust in myself. That doesn't mean I have to like the way I look. Which I don't obviously. So I did it right. I went and talked to my doctor who told me what I need to do. Funny how I already knew what he was going to say.

"FBG you need to stop all of these fad diets, you're making it worse. Just eat right! No more fast food, period. No more soda, quit smoking, eat more salad and less bread, eat less red meat and more greens. Then after you do that, I want you to start exercising. Everyday."

"Everyday?!?"

"Yes. Every. Single. Day. And for the rest of your life," he told me. I was not happy with this decision but I am slowly making these changes.

So if I have to do this for the rest of my life I figured I'd better get started and I did. At least I have The Punisher helping me with the exercise every single day. I haven't had fast food and I quit smoking on June 25th of this year, my birthday. Here is my BEFORE picture taken just last night. I have lost two pounds from my heaviest weight of 242 pounds. The day of the 5K I will post the BEFORE and AFTER picture.

I Made a Friend

Last night was brutal. I made a huge mistake in recruiting a motivator who I will now refer to as "The Punisher." He listens to my whining but doesn't care, he ignores my sailor mouth, and has pushed me farther than I have ever been willing to go by myself. The bastard.

Here is an idea of my 60 minute workout: 3.0 miles on the recumbent bike (just to work up a sweat, a "warm-up" he calls it!) lunges, squats, a wall bounce thing that works your calves and ankles, 1 round of suicides (this gem of enlightenment had never been attempted by one FBG such as myself. Pretty sure I died there on that basketball court and my next of kin was already notified.) We did line hops, first forward and back then side to side, (also a giant pain in my ass amazingly enjoyable.) A short game of basketball was played thereafter which I was able to hide in a corner somewhere because I do not play. I did some curls, (with actual weights mind you!) and finally was able to sneak out before The Punisher was able to find something else for me to do.


After all that and about eight hours of recovery sleep, I decided to take a run this morning. 2.2 miles, uphill both ways (I am the only person on the planet that can find a road that is literally uphill in every direction), but I made a friend. He was a nice little friend, just crossing the road in front of me on one of the gentle inclines of my run. Yellow and black he hid in the grass after he raced across the road trying to beat the oncoming traffic.

I don't know about you, but when I run I generally think about things. Mostly they are things that are funny. Trust me, everything is funny when your legs are on fire and your lungs feel like they have collapsed. Even Marc Parent who authors the Newbie Chronicles on Runner's World thinks 'funny' is funnier when running, especially stupid things. So after meeting my little friend I asked myself, "Why did the turtle cross the road?"

Now, to a normal non-running person this would seem like the beginning of a joke for a small child. I assure you that this is not how my mind works. The answers to that very simple question ranged from the extremely mild "to get to the otherside" type jokes to "because some asshole keeps turning me around and taking me back to where I started!" to even "because the chicken I just slept with is back that way!"

By the end of my little tirade of answers to myself I was cracking up, out of breath, with legs burning like the lava fields in Hawaii. I made it all the way home on that little find, thank you my little friend! Hopefully I will make another friend tonight when I meet up with The Punisher again.

Let's Talk About Running.

Okay. Here's the thing. I am NOT a runner, never have been. I actually despise anything that makes me breathe hard and my muscles ache. Even SEX gets on my nerves sometimes (that's a lie.) Hence, not a runner.

Saturday was my first run since my 2001 Navy Physical Readiness Test, not including the fiasco I did a couple months ago. I was positive that I could at least run 1.5 miles with no problem. I mean I could do it 11 years ago without a problem, right?. (The PRT is a 1.5 mile run that had to be completed in 13 minutes and 30 seconds to pass, and just barely pass at that. Being the bare minimum kind of FBG, that was my time.)

So, after a LONG boring day at my 3x3 cubicle desk job it was time to meet up with my new 5K training buddies. I put on my spandex shorts (covered by another pair of loose shorts so as not to offend anyone,) a cool new running shirt (it doesn't absorb sweat so it prevents chafing,) and my brand spankin' new runnin' shoes (recommended by the skinny bitch at the shoe store.) I was ready to go. I felt great! I avoided mirrors at all costs, so of course I looked great too!

I arrived early to our designated meeting area, right near the McDonalds. (Thanks assholes. Who the hell meets near McDonalds before a run?) I stretched a little, looking like I probably knew what I was doing, and waited patiently for my friends to arrive. Once they did, we complained and whined for twenty minutes talked and joked a little but then it was time to get down to business.

How does one start running? Do you start walking then move your way up to a run? Do you just skip start and then run? Do you do that weird trip/fall/run thing? I had no clue. I opted for the walking and moving my legs faster until I was running approach and so did my friends. All runners will tell you that for a nice, comfortable, pace you need to be able to say a complete sentence without being too much out of breath. Well with this FBG any sort of walking fast or jogging will put me out of breath and unable to speak coherently. Usually it's filled with a bunch of cuss words strung together to make a sentence only sailors can understand. Eventually I got into a pace that was easy enough for me to keep and hard enough to feel the energy being used. It felt pretty good to get out there running. I was on fire! I wanted to keep going! I was ready to take on anything!

.10 miles later I was huffing and puffing, dragging my feet, and barely able to lift my arms. I cursed the heavens and I am pretty sure I was stuck in a level of hell attained by only those who are are Reese's Peanut Butter loving sinners. (Yes, I am hoping that you didn't notice the little point before the 10 so you're thinking "OMG you ran ten miles? That's GREAT." Yeah, I did that on purpose.) I did run a total of at least half a mile. Pretty good for someone who has to heft around 240 lbs.

I am a little sore, a little tired, and to top it all off...I'm doing it again tomorrow!

From failure to winner!

Welp...I just don't know how to say this but I failed.

Perhaps I started off too aggressive? Maybe it was the lack of support from my friends? Maybe it was just because I wasn't ready? In any case, I didn't even make it three weeks into my workout schedule. Life got in the way and eventually the need to sleep won out.

I admit it. I failed myself. I gave up. I didn't have the will power or the strength to continue. My brain was fucked into believing that I wasn't meant to exercise. All of the excuses I could think of I used to talk myself out of waking up and working out.

"Wake up Puella!" I finally screamed at myself. I was going on a cruise. 8 days and 7 nights sailing away to the Bahamas on the Fun Ship Carnival Freedom. We'd been planning it for two years. I couldn't wait. About a month before we had to go I realized that I didn't have a single outfit that I could wear in the Bahamas without sweating my ass off. I only wear pants and tee shirts here in the temperate NC so I had to go shopping.

I always told myself that once I was too fat to buy clothes at Walmart I would do something about it. Well, that time had come and gone without my noticing! Walmart has apparently stopped stocking clothing in my town that is over size 18. The clothes I wear now are 18 so I tried on practically everything and it was all too small for my enormous frame.

I was mortified because I was shopping with a friend who is much smaller than me and can find clothes easily. I was close to tears because I couldn't find any clothes to fit me. Eventually I settled on a couple pairs of shorts from the fatty section at Goodwill and some XXL shirts from Walmart. Now the cruise has a formal night that you can dress up and be pretty for a night. I do own one very formal, very pretty dress that I have worn only once before. I thought I would bring that on the cruise. I tried it on and immediately burst into tears when I couldn't get the clasps closed in the back.

I vowed that once I got back from the cruise I would start again. I knew I couldn't do it alone. I knew that I needed the support of my family and my friends. I found my inspiration in an old friend that I haven't spoken to in years. Next month is the anniversary of my shipmate's death. He died when his helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan with 30 other special forces guys. Jon "JT" Tumilson, U.S. Navy SEAL changed my mind.

3minutesout.org

We served together for two years on board the USS Port Royal. A ship like ours, with a crew like ours we became fast friends. I could talk to him about nearly everything and he would listen. Whenever I came to him with a problem, he would always tell me that I was "just making excuses" and to "get off your ass and do something about it, go crush it."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm crushing my excuses and now I am ready. I have signed myself up for not one but TWO 5Ks in the next three months. One of them benefiting JT and his brothers at Joggin' for Frogmen at the end of this month and the other a local 5K that I have managed to talk some of my friends into training with me.

If you have a moment, please consider donating to my fundraiser site for JT for the first 5K. It is appreciated and you are helping the families of these fallen heroes. Click HERE to donate or copy this address into your browser www.active.com/donate/jogginforfrogmen5k/gocrush-it