Come Take a Run with Me

I hate running in the early morning. Yes, it's much cooler, there's less people (judging the fat bottom girl as she wheezes by), and less chance of running into someone you know on the road. I just have zero motivation and my confidence level is at an all time low at that time. I have never been a morning person and it's possible that I never will be. I run in the evenings or afternoons because that is when my energy and motivation is at its highest. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea, but if you find yourself dreading a run in the morning try doing it later in the day and see how you feel.)

That being said, I decided to take a run this morning when it was nice and foggy and cool outside. Mistake #1. I didn't make it a half mile before my ankles started to burn, my left knee started to ache, my brain started telling me to turn back and go home, and my lungs began their incessant protesting as well. Despite my aches and pains I kept going for another half mile before I just gave up, turning it into mistake #2. I couldn't possibly contend with all of them at the same time with two more miles to go. I ended up walking the rest at a pretty good clip just to spite myself. I'm sure I looked like quite the entertaining fool out there, with my headphones in, cursing myself, and calling myself names.

I did finish my normal 3 miles but I am not exactly happy about it today. Although, it did give me a chance to take some pictures though so you can come on a run with me! Each place is a checkpoint in my head, that I tell myself "if you can just make it to this place then you can take a break". I don't usually get to take a break because I already have the next check point in my head and I'm telling myself the same thing, over and over again, until I finish and get back to my car.





First checkpoint is the Nickajack Bridge (Yup, you read that right.) It crosses over the river which means it's a frickin' bitch an awesome uphill slope to this point. Just about a half mile into the run. I know if I can make it to this point there is a downhill I can make up speed on the other side.

Next checkpoint is Nonah Bridge. A cute little covered bridge that crosses back over the river a little over the half mile point. I would normally find this place an attractive spot for romance and all things pretty, but at this point in my run I am wondering what exactly I was thinking and cussing all the people passing me.






Downhill slope again after that bridge and flat area. I can't really say that I like the flat areas because I am forced to move this fat body all on my own. Downhill is much more favorable for me.









 
Holy bejeesus, we're almost to the half way point! Just a little but more to go. There is a little sign at the beginning of this graveled area that I am so happy to see every time that I nearly cry! (Not really, but you get the idea.)








And there it is. The half way point. 1.55 miles from the starting line! I'm always happy to see this but then I realize that I have to make the run back...because that is where my car is.






On the run back I notice (and I'm always surprised) that there is a bit of a downhill slope that for most of the way that allows me to take a longer stride, which quickens my pace for the run back (as opposed to my short stubby movements I qualify as running.)

Because I get distracted easily...here's the bunny friend I made today. (Better than the snake my friend and I saw yesterday!)











When I see this little bridge come in to view I know the finish line is just ahead.

And there it is. The end of my run, the most beautiful metal pole I've ever seen. The other runners think I'm crazy when I run to it with open arms and kiss it as if I just returned from war. (Again, an exaggeration people, come on.)









I hope you enjoyed our run together today. Perhaps you can join me this evening when I go back to do it again.

The Chub Rub

I went for a run with a friend the other day and she informed me a few days later that she had acquired "The Chub Rub". I, of course, had no idea what she was talking about and immediately burst into laughter. Obviously, I had to ask what it was and apparently it is any part of your body or clothing that rubs against your skin causing friction, irritation, skin loss, and even pain. Basically, when fat bottom girls run, their whole body rubs against itself and this "Chub Rub" can occur. For women, it can occur on the thighs (usually), in the crotch area, and under the breasts, although it can occur other places as well. For men? Well, let's just say it is as unpleasant for them as it is for us. It's like a diaper rash for adults.

I had not personally experienced this hell yet because I normally wear men's biker shorts and a really tight sports bra when I run, preventing the friction. However, when my first pair of biker shorts fell apart at the seams I resorted to using a regular pair of shorts. I then knew what holy hellfire awaited me exactly one day later when I attempted to go for a run again.

The pain was indescribable. It's as if you have torn away layer upon layer of your precious skin and the nerve endings have nothing better to do but shoot pain signals to your brain. Even the slightest touch of clothing on the area is excrutiating. Immediately after my run I went to the store and bought a new pair of biker shorts, powder, bandages, A&D ointment, Vaseline, and deodorant. All the items that were recommended to me as I limped around the track. I was going to try everything to heal this Grand Canyon sized open wound. (Actually, it was more like the size of a nail head but you would've thought I'd lost a limb from the way I was bitching about it.)


They all worked of course, A&D to heal the skin and prevented the friction, Vaseline too. The powder and deodorant absorbed the sweat, the bandages kept my clothing from rubbing against the sore, and of course my trusty new biker shorts were and still are a life saver.

I will never again run without my biker shorts. I recommend them to any fat bottom girl (or boy) who has decided to start running. Even The Punisher has started wearing them and he can't thank me enough. Get the ones that are made to absorb the sweat away from your skin and you'll never again get the dreaded Chub Rub. Or you can follow the advice of a duck, who doesn't run.

The Longest Run

Four weeks ago, The Punisher took me on my first run. The road was flat, the temperature was perfect, and I was ready. Then...I was heaving, sucking air like a banshee, and barely able to lift my feet off the ground.

I didn't even make it 100 yards. He pushed and pushed but I could only make a run for a few yards at a time and we only did a mile in total. I was disappointed in myself, I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide forever. Problem was...there isn't a rock big enough for this FBG.

After a couple weeks of sporadic mile long run/walks at home I did a run that was a killer up hill battle and I injured my knee. I couldn't run anymore. I wanted to but I just couldn't. I have slowly been in recovery since then. But a couple days ago I was able to do an actual run with The Punisher again. It was a little less than a mile and the very same killer hill.

I did it.

Finally.

It sucked.

Mostly.



I was so proud of myself for finishing it because I did the whole thing without stopping and only had to walk halfway up the killer hill, the rest was a run at a 17 minute pace. Not bad for a fat girl huh?

Today I planned a longer run. I wanted to see if I could go farther than I ever have before and I wanted to work on my pace. I brought a friend with me this time who had never run before, I was about to get the challenge I needed to push myself. I just had to beat her, no matter how fast (or slow) she went, I had to be faster and get there first. It was my own little personal challenge.

I got to prove my stuff to her that after only two weeks of running I could do this. To show her that it was never easy but look what I can do now and you can too with just a little dedication. (Of course, my super duper flying shoes helped too!) It was nice knowing that a girl who is nearly two times smaller than me is definitely not as fit as I am after only a month of exercise. Imagine the possibilities!

1.66 miles later, heaving and sucking air like a banshee, I made it. I had to walk a couple times with my friend. I also did not make it up the new killer hill at the end of my run but I did try, next time I will defeat it. My friend was ready to kill me for pushing her so far and so hard. (I'd be willing to bet she challenged herself to beat me. Which is fine, except I wouldn't have let it happen.)

Shame is Not Motivation

I came across a post on my timeline for Facebook yesterday that got my blood pressure to top out more than a good workout!

There is a man who is secretly filming the overweight and elderly residents of my gentle little town and making mean and hurtful comments on the videos about them. You do not see his face, you just hear his hateful troll of a voice the entire time. Instead of talking to these people, he hides behind trees and bushes and as he films he berates these poor people behind their backs and hides behind his camera. While there are plenty of moral and medical reasons as to why this would inappropriate to the large people of my town there is also the fact that he isn't doing anything to help them about their weight or motivating them to do anything about it either.

Motivation does not come from shame. Ever.

As an FBG, and a resident of the county he is secretly filming I am so frustrated that he is walking my streets. He mentions in one of his videos that he does a Navy SEAL workout. I highly doubt this. Most likely he found something online that incorporates the same exercises we can all do and it was labeled a SEAL workout. As a Navy Sailor myself this infuriated me.

I posted a comment to his youtube videos which received no response from him. I also sent him a message on Facebook (listed below, in full force so excuse the language used) which has received no response as well.

This man is attempting to open a fitness center in my humble little town. I implore my readers to flag his videos and ask that they be taken down. I also ask that you never, ever, visit any of his listed websites. Normally I would NEVER bring attention to something like this so as not to garner him more satisfaction. Unfortunately, it affects the people of my town, my friends, and my family. I cannot allow this to continue and I ask that you, my readers please help me get his videos taken down. Sign in to youtube and go here to get the list of his videos. Feel free to leave a comment on his videos too. The ones labeled "Obesity Reigns in Macon County 1" all the way through 6 need to be flagged.

"As a former US Navy Sailor, you sir are a cunt. I'm a fat girl of Macon County and I've been working my ass off to lose my weight. In doing so I've motivated several others to join me. THAT is how you get others to join you, to be healthy, to run. What you have done is wrong and bordering on pedophilia. What makes you so fucking special? Sounds to me like you are a fat guy yourself. Perhaps you should join ME on my two a day workouts and see how you feel. You are scum. Take your sick videos down, stop filming people, and motivate people in other ways. I could bring my actual Navy SEAL buddies to one of your workouts if you wish and we can see if you can hang with them? Except they wouldn't ridicule you, make fun of you, film you at your most vulnerable, for not being able to finish their daily routine. Be a man."

UPDATE: I did receive a response to the youtube post.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am shooting these videos as ABC news has expressed interest in doing a story on OBESITY here. I am formerly of CBS news. We are only using the numbers shared with your OWN health department they showed us that speaks the FACTS."

UPDATE #2 (My response):

"While they may be the FACTS as you so state. The way you have gone about belittling this town, this community, is ridiculous! I have seen more tasteful stories done on obesity from the news before, what you are doing is just flat wrong. Your statements on these videos are derived from a place of hate instead of compassion. I could care less your affiliations within the news community. You're a pompous ass that thinks he is better than everyone else. I have three kids, workout twice a day, go to school full time, and work full time. I don't run on the greenway because my job has it's own gym in the building. I'm still a fat girl and my excuses are my own and none of your business. Motivation can never come from shame!"

Update #3:

Congratulations! He took down his videos from youtube. Great job guys. Great job.

Depression and New Shoes

There is a depression that comes when you are not able to workout like you have been for the last three weeks. It takes over your entire life like a virus that you cannot seem to get rid of. It attaches to your soul and tells you horrible things like, "I knew you weren't good enough" and "see? I told you. You are just too fat. You should give up all together."

This depression virus latched onto me and nearly had me talked in to giving up...again. But this time I had something on my side that everyone should have. A superhero, in my mind, that infused me with positivity and hope. Let's just say that The Punisher doesn't always punish. Sometimes he is kind, gentle, rewarding, and he can give you that one extra little push to get out there and just keep doing what you do.

So I did. I got out there and kept lifting, kept working, kept sweating. Eventually after a week of not using my knees for anything but walking from one place to another, I was able to get up on the elliptical with no pain for thirty minutes. I did that for a few days twice a day. Then today I was able to do an hour with no pain. I can walk with no pain too. I even did a tester jogging lap around the gym this morning and it twinged a little bit so I stopped but I know that one day very soon I will get back to running.

In order to prepare myself for that one day. I had to go buy a new pair of shoes for the occasion. Remember docs orders to buy new shoes? I totally did that this weekend and what a relief! I enjoyed every second of the 3 hour trip to the running store and back. (If you live in the Asheville area I totally recommend Jus' Running. The people there are experts at running and shoes, ask them anything and I bet they have an answer! Plus they can deal with my smart ass and my smart ass friends and that's the way to get my business.)

The cool sticker I got for Punisher

When I walked in the running store (that deals specifically with shoes and running) I knew exactly what was going to happen.

"Hello. How can I help you?" the owner asked me.

"Oh, I am in need of a pair of good running shoes. Do you guys carry those?"

The look on his face was priceless. He knew he was in for a long two hours with my friends and I. He just shook his head and showed us to the shoes. He knew exactly what I needed within seconds of watching me walk a few steps and got me the perfect shoe.

What can a new pair of shoes do for you?

They can brighten your spirit and make you feel like your flying. They give you a chance to show just how cool and awesome you really are. They can also show a part of your personality that has been hidden beneath the layers of fat you have built up over the years. The louder in color they are the better runner you are, I swear, I wouldn't make this stuff up!

So here they are in all their depression beating glory. I have a shirt that matches that bright ass yellow on the soles too. I can't wait to get out there and for you to join me!

10 lbs

This morning was a bit of a shocker. I have been completely depressed for the last couple days since seeing my doc about not being able to do any cardio whatsoever. I can't run, I can't walk, I can't even do the elliptical, I've been watching my friends run and play, and I have just been whiny and sad the whole time. (I know, an FBG complaining that she isn't allowed to get off her ass? What is this world coming to?)

Finally, last night I'd had enough whining and got off my ass and went to the gym. I am allowed to do upper body strength training so I completely destroyed my abs and my arms. It felt good to kick my own ass and get out there again. I missed the aches and pains of weight lifting and the day after feeling of mild soreness.

Yes, I am still depressed that I can't run or do any cardio but here's the thing, even with all my bitching and whining, I have reached my first goal of LOSING 10 pounds.

I stepped on the ever dreaded scale this morning and there it was. A little arrow that pointed down and a great big 10! I literally screamed in my bathroom, frightening anyone within one hundred yards of my house and waking the kids.